Trans Day of Visibility – 2022

I had no plans to come out as trans at my firm. I transitioned fourteen years ago, and started on my new professional path at my current employer nearly eight years ago. I have gone through my awkward phases. I have dealt with people treating me like crap because they found out I was trans. I have dealt with people who stopped being my friend when they found out I was trans. I have stood through being stared at by people at the DMV, by people at banks, even by people at a video store as I have changed my name on legal documents, credit cards, and various memberships. I have dealt with doctors asking me insulting questions, with doctors telling me that I am not actually gay, all while praying the quality of my care is not compromised by some transphobic asshole. Why would I possibly put myself in a position where I might have to feel some of these terrible feelings again? Why would I possibly put myself in a position where I have to deal with how people feel about trans folks potentially impacting my career?

I started thinking about it about a year ago, when I was approached by someone at my firm about helping with a trans education event our firm’s LGBTQ staff resource group was going to put on. I had been asked because of Basil: with his permission, I had shared with people in the LGBTQ group his activism around getting Ohio to change its law about updating birth certificates of trans folks born in Ohio. His willingness to be plaintiff in a lawsuit against the state led to the ACLU taking a case to court, which eventually led to the state’s discriminatory practices being stuck down in a U.S. District Court. As of May 2021, trans folks can now have their birth certificates updated to show their proper gender in the state of Ohio. (I am so damn proud of my husband.)

From the time I was asked to take part in the panel, I started thinking about the need to disclose that I was trans. Although I think no trans person is ever under the obligation to disclose their transness in any situation, I felt not doing so would leave me feeling . . . dissatisfied with myself. Then I was annoyed at myself for feeling obligated to out myself. The move to Arizona happened shortly thereafter and the panel ended up getting postponed because of other things going on in the world and at the firm.

But despite the passing of time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that coming out professionally was important. I wanted to forget about the feeling, to forget about the sense of obligation that was accumulating within me, but I could not.

This past fall Basil gave me a copy of The Artist’s Way. He also encouraged me to go back to counseling to work on my anxiety. I happened to start the book and counseling within a few weeks of each other. The two practices have led to a lot of self-discovery. As part of that work, I realized one of the things I am good at and am passionate about is helping other folks with their career development. Then I realized I could focus my time specifically with helping trans folks with their career development. It could be a non-profit!

Months later, with Basil’s help and support, I was filing articles of incorporation and setting up our first official board meeting for Transitional Careers. The organization is still in its early stages, but we’re making a little progress forward each month. Our mission is to be a non-profit organization helping underprivileged transgender folks improve their financial well being via career coaching, mentoring and job placement. As we’re moving closer to “going live” as an organization, part of me is nervous. What if no one is really interested in what we’re trying to do? But if we can even help one person get a job, or ace an interview, because of the time we spend with them, I’d feel like I was doing a little bit to help the world be a better place.

In December the same person from our LGBTQ resource group at work reached out to me again about the trans panel. I set up time to talk with him, and came out as trans. He asked if I’d be willing to sit on a panel for the trans educational event he was putting together. I agreed. Since then, I have started to slowly out myself as necessary at work. I was asked if I would be willing to speak to some senior leadership about what can be done to help trans folks at our firm–I said absolutely. I was asked by HR to give them feedback on their hiring/onboarding practices and what they could do to make the firm more trans-friendly. I agreed and hope my recommendations have an impact on the firm’s policies.

I also recently found out our firm’s health insurance specifically excludes gender affirming care from our benefits. When I asked to speak to HR about this, I was put in touch with a senior HR person who informed me the firm was exploring the option of including this care in our health plan, but was told the partners would need to put it to a vote. As such, I plan to soon meet with a few of the partners I have worked with closely over the years and disclose that I am trans, taking that opportunity to explain to them how important giving trans folks gender affirming health care benefits is.

The trans panel is in three weeks, on the day before my birthday. I’ll be speaking (virtually) to a crowd that is estimated to be between 50 and 100 of my co-workers. While I am proud of the place I work and generally find most of the people I work with to be kind, I have also experienced less-than-fantastic treatment simply as being an out gay man while working at the firm. I am not naive: this choice might take me one step backward in my professional progress.

I am deciding to disclose my trans status at work and in the rest of my professional career for the same reason I want to be a part of Transitional Careers: if I can make things better for just one other trans person, if I can make moving through the world as a trans person a little less challenging for someone, I will feel like I have accomplished something important.