Sh*t My Doctor Says

March 1997-Mesa, Arizona

“Your mom tells me you have been trying to eat better and exercise.”

I nodded. It was my last semester of high school prior to graduation. I had been getting into aerobics and was becoming more rigorous and committed in my visits to the gym. In order to get a boy to notice me.

“Your mom wants you to try this medicine. I think it is a good idea and it will help you reach your weight loss goals.”

The medicine was fenfluramine/phentermine, otherwise known as fen-phen. My mother was an RN with 20 years of experience at the time. The Food and Drug Administration would request its withdrawal from the market for potential negative impacts on heart health six months later.

I took fen-phen by doctor’s prescription until I went to college in the fall of 1998. I was unaware of the negative health effects or the FDA recall of the drug. I do not know how these prescriptions were filled by this doctor after September 1997.

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Fall 2007-Glendale, California

“Is that a swastika?”

I was going in for the first doctor’s appointment years: I don’t think I had been in for a regular check up since college. My uncle had experienced a cardiac event while participating in a master’s swim meet. Although he survived the event, because it was so similar to how my father had died, all of the kids and cousins on that side of the family were being urged to get proactive cardiac screenings.

The doctor I was visiting had been highly recommended by a friend at work. My co-worker had suspected something was wrong with her heart and this doctor was able to correctly diagnose an issue several other doctors had missed in prior appointments.

Despite me stating the reason for my visit as being concerned about potential heart issues, those were never addressed during the visit. Also, no follow up appointments were made to address them. I was made to undress at some point in the appointment, which was when the doctor decided to discuss my tattoos with me.

“No, it is not a swastika. It is the rune jera. It is about natural cycles, change, stuff like that. I am Jewish.”

“Looks like a swastika to me. You should get that removed before you offend someone else,” she said, snapping on her gloves like you would see on a television show.

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April 2008-Tucson, Arizona

“You identify as a transgender man?”

“That is correct.”

This doctor came recommended as one of the best, trans-friendliest doctors in all of Arizona.

“And you also identify as a gay man?”

“Yes.”

She squinted at me as if I were specimen that had managed to make it off of a microscope slide and onto her examination table.

“I have heard of ones like you. But I have never met one. Wasn’t sure you existed,” she said, checking off a box on her clipboard.

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February 2016-Columbus, Ohio

“So you attribute your recent weight gain to your divorce?”

“Yes, doctor. But I eat right and am getting back to exercising regularly, so I expect I will lose the weight.”

This doctor was identified in multiple online postings and profiles as being a preferred provider of care for transgendered patients. I had a primary care provider for the five years I lived in New Jersey that I absolutely loved. I considered making annual trips back to Philadelphia to continue seeing her, but I was worried I was going to have an emergency in Columbus that would necessitate having a local primary care provider.

“What do you consider eating right?” the doctor asked.

“I eat a plant-based diet, lots of whole grains, mostly organic, no processed foods.”

“So you’re vegan?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you will have iron and other vitamin deficiencies then.”

“Uh, I don’t think so . . .”

“Well, we will just see when we get your blood work back. And are you sexually active now?”

“Yes. I have one partner, my boyfriend”

“You identify as gay? So your partner is a cisgendered man?”

“Yes, I am gay. My partner is a transgender man.”

“Oh, so you’re not really gay.”

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Things I Have Learned from What Doctors Have Said to Me

1. Doctors are just like any other professional: some of the best rated ones are overrated and some of the actual best ones are underrated. Good ones are out there, but sometimes finding one takes some work. And no one is right about everything 100% of the time.

2. One of my favorite doctors of all time was actually a physician’s assistant (PA). So I include PAs and other medical professionals in my searches for care.

3.  Just because a doctor was a good fit for someone else, doesn’t mean they will be a good fit for me.

4. I won’t let a bad experience with a doctor keep me from receiving the medical care I need.

5. When possible, I will provide feedback (good or bad) to the doctor/medical system I am are interacting with so they can learn from my experience. But I do not feel obligated to educate medical professionals.

6. Think of good ol’ Aretha Franklin: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  I deserve it. We all do. If my medical provider doesn’t give it to me, I don’t blame myself. I go to a different medical provider.

7. I am extremely privileged to have worked for employers that provide me adequate health insurance, including transgender-specific health benefits. Many folks in the United States, especially within the transgender community, lack access to adequate health care. I vote for people and support causes that expand access health care to underserved communities.

P.S. The stories I have shared above are really not a big deal compared to instances of discrimination other transgender folks have experienced.  In the 2015 National Transgender Survey, 25% of respondents indicated they had been denied equal treatment at a doctor’s office or hospital, 25% reported being harassed or disrespected, and 2% reported being physically assaulted.