My Tattoos, Your Opinion

“I have to hurry up and get home today,” an intern said to me a few weeks ago. We were driving back to Columbus from a client out-of-town. I was preparing to drop them off at their car and head home myself.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” I said, asking the question such a statement is surely meant to invoke.

“My roommate is thinking of getting a tattoo. Ugh. He’s so crazy. I have to stop him from making such a huge mistake.” The intern had a genuine note of concern in his voice.

“Oh?” I asked, “Why is it a huge mistake?”

“Whatever he picks he probably won’t even like next week. And how is it going to look when he’s 40?”

Another co-worker of mine in the car, who is a few years older than the intern, chimed in, “Oh, I know–I have to talk my roommate out of getting a tattoo whenever she starts to think she wants one. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing.”

I am always surprised at this type of response to someone else’s potential decision to get a tattoo. When I hear this sort of talk, I wonder about what other kind of decisions people make which could warrant this kind of response: this outpouring of someone else’s opinion in order to keep the decision-maker from committing “a huge mistake”. Whether or not to keep a baby? Getting married too young or to someone your friends/family aren’t sure about? Changing careers for the wrong reason?

Then, after I think of these alternate situations, I imagine what conversations would sound like if the situations were treated in a parallel manner: I cannot imagine the intern announcing to me and another co-worker he has to hurry home and lecture his roommate about the person he just got engaged to. Or telling us he was going to hurry home to either prevent or encourage an abortion or adoption. And why are these unlikely scenarios? Because these decisions, just like the decision to get a tattoo, are completely personal choices. Just like all of these choices, the reasons for doing these things or not doing them may be complicated and not easily explained. Basic politeness and discretion would likely prevent these parallel conversations from taking place.

I have six tattoos myself, with more planned for the future. For the time being, you cannot see them when I have dress clothes on for work. If I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt you can likely see one (pictured up top, on my right calf). But even if you are not directly insulting my decision to get a tattoo, I take conversations like these personally on behalf of everyone who has ever chosen to get a tattoo of their own free will.

I have had the following responses to my tattoos from several people over the years, ranging from partners to doctors to relative strangers:

1. I will regret them when I am older.
2. I cannot possibly expect any future children I may choose to have respect me because of my tattoos.
3. If I am not careful, people will think I am a gang member.
4. Why did I bother–they are ugly.
5. I have ruined myself.

The list could go on and on, but those are the top five tattoo insults.

Even when people say things to me I find hurtful, I try to position myself in their shoes. Why say this to me? Is this person afraid? Offended? Insecure about their own body? And even if the answers to any of these questions is yes, why do my tattoos have anything to do with them?

I have yet to come up with a satisfying answer. While I pride myself on being an empathetic person, I cannot understand being motivated to say something like this to someone about their tattoos. Someone else’s tattoos should be none of your concern. Leave other people and their own body art choices be. Spend the time thinking about your own choices instead.